ChuckleBerry.Net - What is Love anyway?

What is Love?

Ahhh ... February ...

... the month where people start thinking about Valentine's Day and love and expressions of affection.

When men all over start combing the malls and asking advice from seemingly well-meaning sales clerks secretly ticking off the commissions in their head.

A time when chocolate becomes a currency between couples and hopefuls, when the decorations in stores turn to shades of pink and red, when hot-house flowers are in high demand, when ladies start hinting towards the shiny bling-blings in jewelry store windows and men look longingly at some skimpy lingerie their partners wouldn't normally be caught dead in hoping that maybe this year ...

Is this really what it's all supposed to be about? I mean come on.

I've thought a lot about "love" lately and just what that word means and represents and just what is love anyway? ... Not a question easily answered. And I am certainly not an "expert" on the subject by any means. But I've decided to go ahead and jot down my thoughts on the matter.

The dictionary finds many meanings for the word "love", including (but not limited to):

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend
3. sexual passion or desire
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
etc.

So ... okay that tries to define and explain "love" but what does it mean really? What does it mean to a persons heart? To a lifetime? In my opinion the word "love" is one of the most overused and under appreciated words / emotions expressed.

A teen girl and boy are infatuated with each other and their hormones are racing and so they profess their "undying love" for each other. Their "feelings" burn hot for a while and then his head turns at another pretty face or she grows bored and finds the affections of another hot young stud stimulating and then next thing you know ... no more "love".

A man and a woman get married (or as happens more often these days, move in together). They seem to have a lot in common and assure each other it's love. Things go great for a while, work is going well, their health is good, and then (oh-oh) something big happens. The unexpected. She gets cancer and can't work while she's undergoing treatments, money gets tight and (whoops) now things are "too serious" and he bails ... so much for "love".

Or a young couple are together for a number of years, they have a baby (or two), he works hard to support his little family while she stays home to take care of the little ones. She misses the nights out and starts to resent that he's not helping around the house. He feels more pressure because he feels he already works full time to support them, the dishes should be done by the time he gets home ... eventually maybe he starts to work more because home has become unpleasant, she gets angry and packs up the kids and leaves for a better offer and he wonders what the heck happened. Where's the love?

A young girl in a bad situation runs away to be with a young man that promises her the world. Takes her for walks on the beach in the moonlight, telling her he wants to protect her and take her away from it all. They run away together and find a place to live. He says all the right words and she wants so much to believe ... then it happens, one day he hits her. - He apologizes almost right away and professes his love for her and sounds so sincere ... she believes it must have been her fault, she must have done something wrong to cause it because isn't he the one who "rescued" her? He would never hurt her without some cause ... so she tries harder to please him, to be what she thinks he wants her to be ... she thinks if she just loves him enough it won't happen again. But nothing she does seems to ever be good enough - and the cycle continues ... sometimes for years.

Heaven forbid they should have children ... but they do. She finds out she is pregnant and thinks maybe this will be what finally proves to him she is serious about their relationship. Maybe a baby will make him happy, and for a while, things do seem to brighten up. He is almost like he used to be, til the next time he gets annoyed enough, or drunk, and it starts again. She starts to think that maybe this isn't right. She starts to realize that he is not going to change, no matter how sorry he says he is or how many times he says he loves her and asks for another chance. She starts to grow a brain and a backbone and after she has been hit for the last time, she takes the children and leaves.

He of course says he is sorry again, only it no longer has the effect it used to. She says she forgives him, but that does not mean she has to allow him to continue to hurt her. He asks for another chance, she says he has had all his chances. She does allow him to have visitations for the children ... but he never shows up. For years he doesn't send any Christmas cards, birthday cards, nothing.

Eventually she meets someone new, and decides to give love another try. After all, not all men are like the last. The children grow and start school and develop lives of their own. Suddenly from out of the blue after more than a decade he shows up in their lives again. Saying he's changed and he wants a chance again to prove it. She quietly watches as the children are now old enough to decide for themselves. She thinks maybe people can change after all, maybe he isn't who he once was. So for a year the children listen to him make and break promises and listen to his excuses as he professes his love for them. Til they have enough and decide they want no more of his empty words.

Love ...

The world is full of similar stories, of people professing their love for one another or their children, and hurting those they "love". That's not love. But love isn't easy, either. I'm not saying that people who love each other are never going to disagree, that's just not the case.

So what do I think love is?

I've seen what I believe to be 'real love'. (Other than the love I have for my children and the love they have for me) I think so far the best case I would like to refer to here is my mother and (step)Dad ... and it's love evidenced in so many ways. They don't have to say it ten times a day ... they have so many little ways that they show it.

I don't know what my parents would say their "secret" is, or how they would define their love ... but I know that my dad has been with us for years, no matter what. He hasn't bolted at the the first signs of trouble (even if at times he felt like it) ... we have had some VERY rough waters as a family and he has stuck through it all.

On top of everything, when my parents go out, people ask them if they're newlyweds ... they still have a spark ... you can see the light in their eyes and the adoration shining from their faces as they gaze at each other across the table.

My mom and (step)dad do annoy each other at times. And they have words ... oh boy do they have words ... mom can be stubborn and dad can be thick-headed and they don't always get along perfectly. BUT they do love each other. As far as I know my dad has never even raised his hand at my mother ... never mind ever striking her! Such a thing would be unthinkable. And no matter how angry my mother's gotten at him, she's never stooped to the petty hurtful games I've seen in so many other relationships.

After so many years, and so many issues and so many "bumps" in their road ... they still find ways to share life together, to keep their love alive. They respect each other. And they find ways to show each other on a daily basis just how much they mean to each other. It's like they start each day with a fresh view of each other and the love they have.

Since this is my page and not theirs, I'm not sure how much of the "personal stuff" they would be comfortable with me sharing ... but there are a couple of things that stand out that give me "warm fuzzies" about love when it comes to my folks.

Ever since I can remember, dad has always taken my mom's birthday off work. It's her day and he's there for her. He bakes her a cake (and not one of those mixes you can get in a store) he pulls out a recipe book and step by step makes her a cake. (No, he's not a chef) so it's pretty special. He turns the day into a holiday for her.

Also, he calls her at noon every day from work. (No, it's not a control thing) Just to tell her he's thinking about her, to check in and see how her day is going and just to hear each other's voices. Sometimes they make plans to go have lunch together if he's working in an area that he can leave for a while.

Mom is teaching herself to make some special little German foods and treats my dad really likes. She found out which ones he particularly enjoys and has been experimenting with trying to make them 'just right' for him ... and the way his eyes light up shows just how much he appreciates her efforts.

When dad has to go in to work early, and there's a particularly pretty sunrise, dad will call mom and ask her to go to the window, just so they can share the sunrise together.

Just a bazzillion and one little things they do for each other every day to reaffirm their affections and love for each other. It's a love that has lasted through some very serious times and it is one that I believe will endure for many many more years to come. No matter what life may have in store for them.

They don't need one day a year to try "prove" their love for each other with tokens of chocolate or flowers bought in a last minute rush or a card with a pre-written sentiment ... with my parents almost every day in the year is a "Valentine's Day" ... the love surrounding them is palpable to anyone who knows them.

So if they do do something a little extra on this day, they know it's from the heart, because the love is always there. Good times and bad.

In today's day it seems rare to find those who truly live the vows they made to each other in the beginning (formally through marriage or otherwise) but if anyone does, it would be my parents.

Thank you, mom and dad, for showing me that there really is still such a thing as true and real love ...

Christina Harvie aka "ChuckleBerry"